


It's Complicated

by WritingWinchesters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, One Shot, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:46:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4762151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingWinchesters/pseuds/WritingWinchesters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anon Request: Could you do one where Dean and the reader have broken up but they still want to be together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Complicated

The road was empty at this hour so you felt no hesitation in putting your foot down, pushing the car to its limits. The engine roared as the speedometer rose, not that you could hear it over the rock music blasting out of the stereo. It was freeing. It helped you forget. 

You were on your way to Wyoming for a case, apparently there was a poltergeist problem to sort! It was a bit further out than you would usually go and there was sure to be another hunter who could pick it up but you were looking for a distraction, so screw it! It was 2 in the morning and you were off. With any luck you’d be there by late afternoon tomorrow, maybe earlier, if you could keep up this speed!

Your heart jolted as ‘Eye of the Tiger’ began to play through the speakers and you were quick to skip the song. 

It was too late; your mind was back on Dean. 

You were reminded of the time he’d danced to the song, climbing all over ‘baby’ as he mimed along and played air guitar in a bid to make you laugh one afternoon. Damn it. 

Out of habit you reached up and fingered the charm hanging from your rearview mirror. Dean Winchester was equally the best and worst thing to happen to you. This whole messed up situation was down to him. Well, not just him; you had played your part. You’d been broken up for almost a year now but it didn’t make it any easier. He wasn’t the sort of guy you could just forget about. 

Hunting helped. It kept your mind busy at least. All the time you had a case to focus on you were fine. You could pretend that you didn't have a Dean-shaped hole in your heart. 

The end of a hunt was a different matter, however. As soon as a job was wrapped up, the charade would begin to slip. It was the loneliness that hit you the hardest. You found yourself drinking more than you knew you should. You tried to find comfort at the bottom of a bottle, and when alcohol hadn't done the trick, in the arms of a handsome stranger. That had only happened a couple of times though. You’d quickly realised that it left you feeling worse than you'd thought possible. The warmth of their bodies against yours made you feel cold and empty. The idea of sharing their bed turned your stomach and instead you preferred to slip away in the night. Move on the next city, eager to find a new case to consume your mind again. And so the cycle went on. 

-

Another hunt was over. You were half surprised to find that you were the first of 'your kind' on the scene but then you got stuck in. It had been too easy. A simple salt and burn job. Over in a couple of hours and certainly not enough to keep your brain working for long. So here you were, back on a bar stool. Another bar, another town, another night of drinking to forget. You were starting to hate what you were becoming. You pushed your drink away, disgust curling in the pit of your stomach. 

'Of all the gin joints in all the world.' 

That deep voice always stirred something in you and your body reacted instinctively, butterflies raging in your stomach. You twisted in your stool, coming face to face with Dean, plastering on the brightest smile you could muster. It was the first time you'd seen each other since the break up, you had to at least try to look like you were over it, right?

'I thought I'd find you in here, that case had your mark all over it,' he continued. His eyes scanned your features and you knew he was trying to gauge how you were doing; physically and emotionally. 

'Yeah well I felt like a break from the west coast and no one else was on it,' you shrugged. 

'No one else had a chance,' he returned, 'you were pretty hot off the mark with that one. Less than 24 hours after it was reported? What did you drive through the night or something?' he scoffed. 

You forgo answering by pulling your drink back towards you and taking a swig. 

'You did.' His voice quiet with realisation. 'You drove all night for a salt and burn. Why?'

'Why not? I don't have to explain myself to you!' you growled. 

‘I didn’t mean it like that, I just -’

You closed your eyes in irritation, your hand held up indicating that you wanted him to stop talking.

‘Yeah, yeah, I get it! You still care about me, blah, blah, whatever. I don’t want to hear it, Dean. It was hard enough the first time,’

You knocked back your drink, emptying the glass and nodding to the bartender to order another.

‘That was a joint decision,’ he pointed out, ‘we agreed it was for the best.’

‘I know. I’m sorry, I know, Dean. I’m just tired,’ you sighed.

‘And drunk,’

You huffed a laugh. ‘Maybe. But I’m not done yet.’

Dean’s lips pressed together but he knew better than to protest. He knew how stubborn you could be but he also knew how hypocritical it would be for him to complain about using alcohol as a solution. Instead, he sat with you as you drank yourself deeper and deeper into oblivion. He tried to talk to you a couple of times but each time you shut him down. 

Finally, he had to intervene. You were slumped forward on the bar, slurring as you tried to call to the bartender one more time. You didn’t see Dean slip a handful of notes across the bar to pay for your tab.

‘Upsy daisy, come on, we need to get you outta here,’ he muttered as he hoisted you from the stool to stand. Your legs were wobbly and it made you giggle as you leant against Dean to stop yourself from falling. He walked you out of the bar. The fresh air hit you like a punch to the gut and your world started to spin. He must’ve gotten your hotel name and room key from you somehow because the next thing you knew, you were sat on your bed, head between your knees.

‘I bet you’re real glad we’re not together now, huh?’ you asked him miserably.

‘How could you say that?’ he replied quietly.

You raised your head to look at him but he had turned his back.

You tried to stand, managing on your second attempt, and touched his shoulder. He turned to face you and you realised how tired he looked. His eyes had lost their sparkle. It did nothing to dampen the attraction you had for him though. 

Your relationship had had many flaws; you’d split for a reason after all! You were both stubborn and argumentative. Neither of you were good at communicating, preferring to bury your feelings instead of talking things through. The number of times you’d both come home in one piece from a hunt only to tear verbal clumps out of each other because one had been terrified the other would get hurt. It was easier to shout than admit to being scared. Admit that the person before you meant more than the world. But through it all, the anger and the tears, one thing had been undeniable: you had chemistry. 

‘Dean,’ you breathed, lifting a hand to cup his face. Without thinking, he leant down and pressed his lips to yours. Your head began to spin again, though this time it wasn’t from the alcohol but the overwhelming sensation of Dean. He slipped an arm around your waist, pulling you flush to him and you moaned into his mouth as a familiar warmth pooled in your lower stomach. You raked your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling gently the way you knew he loved. 

Then it was over. He broke away from you, stepping back. The sudden absence of his warm body made you feel lost. 

‘Dean?’ you breathed again, a question this time. He rubbed a hand over his face.

‘We can’t… I can’t...’ he mumbled.

‘We can,’ you said, hating the shake in your voice. ‘I can’t stop thinking about you.’ 

You stepped forward and kissed his cheek.

‘It would be so much easier not to care, Dean, but I can’t help it. I can’t let go,’ you murmured as your mouth trailed down his neck, sucking and nipping gently at the soft skin. ‘You’re like a drug. My whole body aches for you,’ 

You heard his breathing hitch in his throat, making you smirk. You pulled your head back slightly to meet his eyes. His pupils were blown but there was a still a hint of hesitation there.

‘You’re drunk, we shouldn’t,’ 

‘But I need you,’ you pleaded. 

You dropped to your knees before him. He worried his lower lip as he watched you. You began to fumble with the buttons on his jeans, your fingertips numb from the alcohol. As you struggled, your confidence seemed to vanish. Panic shot through you and your eyes went glassy as they began to fill with tears. 

'Y/N… Don't…' he whispered, sensing your sudden uneasiness. He sighed and grabbed your wrists. 'It's ok.' 

Dean gently pulled you up to stand, wrapping his arms around you. 

'Come on, it's ok,' he said softly against the shell of your ear.

As though his voice was the trigger, the tears began to fall and you pressed your face into his chest as you sobbed. He squeezed you tightly, muttering soothing sounds as you cried. 

After a few minutes, Dean maneuvered you to the bed. He helped you remove your shoes and trousers then he crawled into the bed with you, holding you from behind as you wept into the pillow. He placed gentle kisses at the base of your neck and stroked your hair, slowly easing your sobs.

‘Let it all out, baby,’ he murmured.

He stayed for a couple of hours after you’d fallen asleep, listening to your soft, even breaths.  Eventually, he forced himself to get up. He made sure you had something for the headache you were bound to have in the morning. He pressed one last kiss to your forehead and left you to sleep.

-

You woke up feeling about as bad as you’d expected. Your head was pounding and your eyes were sore from crying yourself to sleep; the sun shining through the flimsy material serving as curtains did nothing to help. You groaned as your memories started to flood back. You pressed the heels of your hands to your eyes. You’d kissed Dean. Well, no. He’d kissed you  first actually but then you’d tried to, y’know… Hang on. Where’s Dean? You jolted upright, instantly regretting it as your head gave a painful throb. You squeezed your forehead to relieve the some of the pain as you scanned the room but there was no sign of him. Then you spotted the glass of water on the bedside table. There were also a couple of tablets and a note folded against the glass with your name on it.

I’m sorry I had to leave but I figured you wouldn’t want to see me first thing anyway. Me and Sam are going to the diner the next block over for breakfast if you’re up for it? 

Dean x

You read through it a couple of times but no, he definitely seemed to still be on speaking terms with you at least. And he’d put a kiss? What was that about? You mentally shook yourself, it didn’t mean anything. 

You lay back on the pillow for a few minutes debating with yourself whether you should go for breakfast. You probably should but God, you were embarrassed. It would be rude not to but just the thought of facing Dean this morning was making you blush. You did owe him though and you definitely needed to apologise. Plus, of course, it would be nice to see Sam. You crossed your arms over your face.

‘Well, looks like I’m about to go to the most humiliating meal of my life,’ you sighed. You reached over for the pills, swallowing them down and finishing the glass with a few large gulps. Then you straightened up and set about getting ready to leave the hotel.

-

Dean was standing outside the diner as you approached. You took a deep breath and braced yourself, stretching your face in to what you hoped was a smile.

‘Hey,’ you called, getting his attention.

‘Y/N, you came,’ he replied. He flapped his arms a couple of times, not sure if he should hug you or not. You made the decision for him by suggesting you go inside.

‘Uh, yeah. Sam grabbed a table,’ he mumbled, following you into the small diner.

Sam spotted you straight away and as soon as you reached him, he bent down to give you a bear hug. The three of you settled in to your seats and the waitress quickly took your orders. 

A tense silence fell over the table. You wanted to apologise to Dean, try to explain yourself but you weren’t sure how much Sam knew. 

‘So, Y/N, it’s really good to see you!’ Sam said brightly, breaking the silence.

‘You too, Sam. I’ve missed you guys,’ you replied, deliberately avoiding Dean’s eyes.

Quiet fell again but luckily, the waitress arrived with your food and Sam and Dean began bickering about who got the plate with more eggs. Conversation seemed to flow easier then, though tension didn’t fully lift. Dean finished his food first, though you and Sam were still only halfway through.

‘Be right back, I’m gonna hit the head,’ Dean announced, wiping his face with his napkin and sliding out of the booth.

You relaxed in your seat the second he was out of sight. 

‘You ok?’ Sam asked. He was way too intuitive.

‘Yeah, this is just so… awkward, y’know?’ 

He laughed.

‘For what it’s worth, Dean’s glad you’re here.’

You snorted at that.

‘No, seriously. I mean, I don’t know what happened with you two last night-’

‘Nothing good,’ you muttered.

‘-but this is the happiest I’ve seen him since you guys ended it,’

You raised an eyebrow at Sam. 

‘I probably shouldn’t be saying this but he’s been a mess without you. To be honest, I don’t get why you guys broke up in the first place. You’re both obviously miserable.’

‘Hey,’ you opened your mouth to protest.

Sam raised his eyebrow at you this time.

‘Ok, fine. I am miserable but it was for the best. Things were complicated.’

‘Come on, this is Dean we’re talking about. When is it not complicated?’ 

You let out a small laugh.

‘True.’

‘But see, that’s why he needs you, right? To make things clearer.’

‘I-’

‘I don’t want to overstep the mark but I know Dean and I’ve seen how happy you two make each other. For some crazy reason you both seem to think that not wanting to lose each other is a problem? And here’s me thinking that was the whole point,’ he finished, picking up his fork to continue his breakfast. Before you could respond, Dean was back at the table, pinching a piece of bacon from Sam’s plate and the two slipped right back into brotherly banter. You finished your food in silence, mulling over Sam’s words. 

Sam and Dean picked up the check, refusing to let you pay for share, and the three of you headed back to the hotel. Being a small town, the brothers were staying in the same place. In the lobby, you dawdled getting your key out. Sam and Dean were staying on the ground floor but you were up on the first. You gave Sam a quick hug, whispering a ‘thank you’ in his ear and from the knowing smile he gave you, you knew he understood it was for the chat in the diner. You turned to Dean, unsure for a second, but he held his arms out too. You all agreed to pack and collect your bags, then in half an hour you’d meet in the parking lot to say a proper goodbye. You dawdled for a second as the boys turned away.

‘Um, Dean?’ you called out in a burst of bravery.

He turned back and your resolve almost melted.

‘Could we maybe have a chat? After you’ve packed? Maybe come up to my room quick?’ 

His eyes narrowed slightly as he licked his bottom but nodded.

You gave a thumbs up and headed towards the stairs, kicking yourself mentally for such a dorky gesture. But you’d done it! The wheels were in motion. Now you just had to make through the actual conversation...

-

It didn’t take you long to pack. It had only been one night after all, and you hadn’t even arrived until late afternoon! You hovered in your room as you waited for Dean, wringing your hands as you paced and ran through what you wanted to say to him. You stopped to remove an invisible crease from the bed sheets when the tap at the door finally came. You felt your stomach drop as nerves flooded your body. You tried to ignore how much your hand was shaking as you reached for the handle and opened the door.

You gave Dean a tight smile as you stepped back to let him in. He looked equally as tense as he strode into the room. His hands twitched awkwardly until he put them in his pockets. You gestured for him to sit on the bed but you refrained from sitting next to him. He looked up at you anxiously as you shifted your weight between your feet.

‘So,’

‘So,’ he echoed, one eyebrow raised.

You took a deep breath. 

‘Look, I want to apologise to you,’ you sighed, closing your eyes for a second.

‘It’s ok,’ he replied quickly with a shake of his head.

‘No, it’s not Dean. I’m sorry for a lot of things,’ you rubbed your hand over your face, ‘I just need to get it all out, ok?’ 

He gave a small nod, his eyes wide, ready to listen.

‘I’m sorry that I got so drunk last night and that you were left to deal with it. I’m sorry for hitting on you and I’m sorry that I broke down. I was a mess.’

You took another breath and met his gaze.

‘But most of all, I’m sorry for ending things between us.’

‘What?’ 

You’d caught him off guard and he was visibly surprised.

‘I’m sorry for ever suggesting that we were better off apart. The last year has been like hell for me. I thought things were hard when we were together. I was always so scared of losing you and I couldn’t handle my feelings, I know I took a lot of that out on you. I think we were both guilty of that to be honest.’

He jerked his head in agreement.

‘The thing is, even halfway across the country, I’m still constantly terrified of what might happen to you. Only now I don’t even get the reassurance of slipping into bed with you at the end of the night.’

‘Y/N,’ he whispered softly.

‘But it’s more than that, Dean. I miss you. I miss just being near you. It’s like you’ve got some crazy hold on me, on my heart,’ you paused, taking a breath as a tear rolled down your cheek. His eyes were soft, full of concern as he watched you. 

‘Part of me wishes it wasn’t like this. That you didn’t affect me so much because, my God, would life be easier. But at the same time, the idea of not knowing you, of you being another face in the crowd, is both terrifying and heartbreaking. You make my world so chaotic but so clear all at once. You have no idea,’ 

‘I do,’

Your eyes flicked to his.

‘I do, baby. I know because I feel it too.’

He stood, taking your hands in his as he spoke.

‘I would rather spend an eternity arguing with you than one more day without you. I think about you all day, every day. When we got into town, I just knew you were here and I had to find you.’

A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. 

‘I hated seeing you like that last night, for no other reason than knowing you were in pain. All I wanted to do was make you feel better. And then I kissed you and I felt so guilty, like I was taking advantage of you when you were drunk,’

‘No, Dean. I wanted it. I wanted you,’

‘But I didn’t know that for sure and I couldn’t let myself go through with anything that you might regret. I’m sorry that I ever let you walk away, Y/N,’ he said, resting his hands lightly on your hips.

‘I know we made a mess of things before but it wasn’t all bad. We ended things because we thought we knew where it was leading but it doesn’t have to be that way. I want to try again. I want do things differently. What do you think?’ he asked, his eyes locked on yours.

‘Do you still love me?’ you whispered.

‘I never stopped.’

You lifted your hands to his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss.

‘Is that a yes?’ he murmured, smiling against your lips.

‘It’s a hell yes,’ you replied kissing him again, ‘It’s a promise you’ll never me let me go.’

‘Never!’

You giggled as he lifted you off the floor, squeezing you tight to him. 

Dean’s phone began to ring, interrupting the moment and you both realised you were supposed to have been in the car park 10 minutes ago.

You grabbed your bag, swinging it on to your shoulder and weeping your eyes across the room one last time as Dean tried to pacify Sam over the phone, assuring him you were on your way.

With his phone back in his pocket, he slipped his hand into yours and you looked over at him, unable to stop yourself from beaming up at him. You were quick to check out and the two of you were strolling through the car park towards Sam less than 5 minutes after his call.

He was leaning against the Impala, arms folded but his expression softened at the sight of yours and Dean’s interlocked hands.

‘Oh, thank God! Maybe Dean will stop moping,’ he teased, making you chuckle. ‘No, I’m pleased you two have sorted it out. It didn’t make sense for you not to be together.’ 

He gave you a warm smile.

‘Well, we’re gonna try and do things a little differently this time. There’s no way I want to lose her again,’ Dean said, wrapping his arm around your waist.

‘So, what’s the plan now then? Are you joining forces with us again?’ Sam asked. 

‘If you’ll have me,’ you replied with a wink. 

In response, Dean grabbed your bag and tossed into Baby’s boot along with his and Sam’s.

‘I guess that’s your answer!’ Sam smirked. ‘What are you going to do about your car?’

‘Ooh, good point! One second!’ and you dashed off leaving the brothers to exchange confused looks.

You returned clasping a small charm strung on a thin silver chain.

‘I’m leaving the car but I needed this,’ you explained.

‘You kept that?’ Dean asked in a small voice.

‘You told me never to travel without it,’ you replied, smiling softly at him. He pressed his lips to the top of your head, holding you there for a couple of seconds. The three of you then proceeded to climb into the car, Sam giving up shotgun for you. Dean turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life. He reached over to squeeze your hand before preparing to pull the car away.

‘We got everything?’ he asked.

You smiled, thinking about the way your heart was swelling in your chest. You were back in the Impala. Back in the company of your two best friends. But most of all, you were back with Dean. You no longer felt empty. The ache in your chest was gone replaced with love. You were home.

‘Absolutely.’  



End file.
